Psychology Has It Backwards

Episode 172: Anger: Taking Things Personally Without Realizing It

Anger is a warning that we are taking things personally.  Anger rises up when we think that someone or something is making us upset, hurting our feelings, undercutting us, not caring how they impact us.  We stop listening to what is being said and start listening to our own reactions.  We feel or express defensiveness.  Anger is no different from any other experience; OUR thinking creates ALL our experiences.  As we come to understand that our feelings reliably tell us how well we are using our own power to think, we can sidestep bad feelings that come with taking things personally and realize that everyone is speaking from their own state of mind.  If they are insecure, their “tone” might be off; but if WE are insecure, we might hear information as personal and react, not respond.

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