People are told to fix what appears to be wrong with them in order to feel better and end up feeling hopeless, or broken because it doesn’t help. Focusing on the problems we have or trying to change experiences we have already created does not bring us to mental well-being. “Trying” is a signal you are turned around and attempting to find happiness by managing thought or behavior. Turn around and look inside. Find the state of mind that provides security and let the answers come to you. It is so simple and easy unless you are looking at it backwards!
Most of us have gone through a time in our life when we’ve had our heart broken or feelings hurt in relationships with friends and lovers. Misunderstanding of why things are happening comes from our own analysis of the events. We feel wronged and sometimes justified in holding onto grudges, feeling hateful, and obsessing about all the negative things that happened, but this only keeps us stuck in the past and personalizing everything.
Finding peace and moving on comes not from analyzing the situation but from accessing our own innate health and listening to our wisdom. We can then see the past from a different vantage point and once again find happiness.
We frequently talk ourselves out of inspiration by trusting our insecure thinking. Then we can get caught up in analyzing an infinite number of reasons WHY we’re doing what we’re doing. In this episode, we bring it back to simplicity and discuss how learning to quiet down, listen to your wisdom, and trust the thinking that comes to you, helps you to follow through and get the things done that you really want to do.
We’ve all been advised to “set boundaries” with others, or around our own behaviors. But does that mean that others will follow our “rules,” or that we’ll remember our own boundaries when we get insecure? We explain that boundaries that arise from insecurity are different from wisdom, or common sense insights, that occur to us in the moment and lead us to step away from situations, or step back from our own impulses or habitual thoughts and behaviors. We can “observe” boundaries without trying to manage others or make rules that won’t be followed under pressure, and live at peace.
The intellect is our personal library, the collection of all the thoughts, experiences and knowledge we have had. It represents everything we already know. “Intelligence,” on the other hand, is wisdom, insight, common sense — new knowledge that arises in response to present moment curiosity. When we “don’t know” what to say or do or how to respond, going to the intellect to “figure it out,” or ruminating about it, will not provide an answer. If we know the answer, we’ll have it right away. If we don’t know, the answer is in the unknown. The unknown from quiet wondering, listening deeply and waiting for fresh thought. It’s where the thrill of discovery and the adventure of life in the moment arise.
Most of us are taught that modern life is full of “stressors” and we are bound to get stressed out by things that happen in life — from traffic to trauma. We are told to develop coping mechanisms to help us deal with the stress we have to face. The Principles explain that stress is not thrust upon us by events, but created by the way we think about life events. Everyone responds to the whole range of life events in their own way. That’s actually good news because, with an understanding of how thinking works, we are empowered to live at peace, no matter what.
Recognizing stress in ourselves is a matter of awareness of the feeling state we are in and which way we are going. If we are feeling more and more tense, that is a signal that we are taking negative, stressful thinking seriously and trying to analyze it or fight it. The antidote to stress is becoming aware of our changing feeling states and having the intention to turn away from tension and agitation. Rather than arguing with ourselves or trying to talk ourselves out of “stress,” we learn to quiet down, allow our thinking to settle, and look for a deeper feeling and moments of wisdom that elevate us.
The usual reason people seek therapy is to solve their problems, or try to fix what’s wrong with them. In this regard, particularly, Principles practitioners are entirely different. We see the goal of therapy as assisting people to reconnect with their innate mental well-being, find their own common sense and peace of mind, and realize they are naturally whole and resilient. No one is broken, and everyone is able to solve their own problems once they understand that answers are always available when our minds are clear and we recognize fresh thought.
(This is a rerun of Episode 2.) Psychology has been treating all the outcomes of insecure, misunderstood thinking as though they were the problems. The one underlying problem is what creates insecurity.